How to Take Back Your Own Power in Relationships

Six Steps to be Assertive with Your Significant Other

Worrying about what others think of us can take up a huge amount of time and energy on a daily basis. We often go round and round in circles analysing what is happening in relationships (even down to the tiniest details)as well as how both we and the other person react to each other and potentially surmising and reviewing how successful each personal and professional relationship might be.

Although there is no magic wand when configuring and finding our way around the complex web of personal and professional relationships, there are a few powerful tips which will help you to become more aware of how to take back your own power in relationships.

Here are 6 tips to help you to take back your power in both your personal and professional relationships:
 

  1. You can’t change the other person’s responses, feelings or opinions but you can change and communicate your own: The first important message is that whilst it’s important to listen to another person’s feelings, opinions and responses, you are ultimately not controlled by them. You may be able to encourage inspire or influence someone else, however you will never be able to change their choices as to how they feel or how they react. However, the number one secret to taking back your power is that you can change and asset your own.
  2. Be a boundary setter: It can be very easy to forget or lose ourselves in both personal and professional relationships due to a playing out of our own fears and insecurities. Therefore, selfish as it might sound, it is necessary to both consider the other persons feelings but ultimately and more importantly it’s important to consider what is right or wrong for you. If something doesn’t feel right ask yourself what do you need to do to change it? How can you both communicate your understanding of the other person’s needs, whilst also communicating and asserting your own feelings and values so that there is a mutual respect of contact and boundaries?
  3. Don’t play the role game: In any relationship we will always be triggered into either playing Victim, Rescuer or Persecutor roles. Perhaps you’re already familiar as to which role you tend to lean towards when feeling triggered. In relationships we often move around the triangle of all three roles in many different and complex ways depending on the dynamics between each person and how we are triggered. However, what’s important to remember is these are old roles and triggers which will ultimately have you moving round and round in circles. Step back, become aware of what’s happening and how you’re being triggered and responding and call it’s bluff by becoming mindful of the present rather than getting sucked into past triggers and experiences.
  4. Listen but also be heard: it’s really important to listen to the other person, but equally important is to be heard. Ask yourself: how can you communicate that you understand what the other person is saying? Then ask yourself what do you need to communicate? How might you feel comfortable communicating what needs to be heard? How are you currently sacrificing your needs of you don’t often speak out and why?
  5. Review how much emotional and physical luggage you’re carrying: if you’re an empathic and caring person you will ultimately be concerned about pleasing others, supporting others and worrying about other people’s welfare. This is an amazing quality and shouldn’t be hidden. However, what happens when this is happening more often than not? Ask yourself what is happening here and why? What are your fears? How are you expending your own energy and how it is making you feel? Could your efforts and energy be used in a more effective way without giving your soul? Also ask if you’re not refueling yourself how can you give back to others?
  6. The powerful glare of projection: How someone reacts or responds to you isn’t necessarily an accurate or even realistic representation of who you are and the situation. Yes of course, we will always need to take responsibility for how we react and respond and how this can influence and impact other people. However, sometimes we, and other people, can project our insecurities, past experiences, past relationships and opinions onto the other person. Stand back and really evaluate are these your feelings or someone else’s or a mix. Take responsibility for your own feelings and responses but also question what your fears are when you feel as though you automatically take on other people’s emotions and experiences.

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